Wednesday, October 17, 2012

From the Archives: Dating Your husband

I'm linking this post up on To Love Honor and Vacuum's "Wifey Wednesday".  It's an oldey (from 3 years ago), but a goodie ♥
I still mean every word of what I wrote then.  That time of bonding really helped prepare our marriage for the trials to come. 
So, I've had a little epiphany recently. All this time off (ie: lack of a job) for Dave has done wonders for our marriage. We've both lost weight, gotten healthier and are feeling pretty good; we've committed to making a huge life change (moving) and we've learned to work well together as a team. I want to say the romance is back, but that sounds a bit cliche. 
Since we've been married, life has never been what I would call romantic, but I would say that it is now. And that's not because I get flowers or cards, or constant devotion. Though Dave has learned to appreciate the things I do at home, I would say that *I* am much changed by his presence here. I would also say that my attitude is the primary reason he is so receptive to me. I am complimenting him, I nag less, I smile more. 
Dare I say it ladies?  Sometimes we wives forget to try and be cool. Remember when you and your husband started dating? You were easy to get along with (well, probably. If you weren't, he probably should have ran the other way), you were willing to let him spend time with his friends, you were interested in what he was interested in. You were probably somewhat adventurous, willing to try new things, etc.... Are those qualities still there for you? Are you still working to be "cool"? To be a wife that he looks forward to coming home to, or waking up next to? Do you think he still desires to get to spend the day with you? I worked hard to "pass the cool girl test" with Dave when we were dating, but do I still do that? Read on....
Here's a small example, but one I don't think I'll forget. We play fantasy football in a family league; this is my 3rd year, and I am loving football more and more each week. We have now designated all Sundays after church and also Monday nights just to football. I rarely answer the phone, and keep chores and computer time to a minimum (the kids love these days). Well, we were at my Dad's house cutting up and loading firewood to help heat our house for the winter. We were discussing which day we (my sister's family and my family) could get together for another time of work. It was suggested that we could do it Sunday evening. I said (in all sincerity) "nope, that's football day". The look my husband gave me was more than enough reward, but then he smiled and put his arm around me and said "I'm so glad I married you". I do believe I passed the cool wife test, and it was a great feeling.
It's pretty fun to be more in love with your husband over 10 years later than you were when you first got married, or even when you were dating. 11 years ago I thought I knew what love was, but I didn't. Real love is a commitment, a choice. Real love that's been tested by trials (even children) and time is one that is sweeter than any first love can be. So when I talk of dating your husband, I don't even mean going on dates. We rarely get time alone. I actually don't think you need much time alone to bond with your spouse. You need real relationship, real conversation and real depth. And a lot of focus on trying to "win" them as you did when you were focused on getting that ring.
I have to say that I am enjoying every minute of "dating" my husband. I will continue to work to pass the cool girl test because in the end, we are both more content for having given each other the things that we need. I work hard for him, he works hard for me. This is a good thing for sure. 


  1. Miranda,

    Thanks for "re-sharing" this! I've been so convicted lately about the lack of time I'm spending with my husband. It's so easy to let time together slip by. Thanks for reminding me that time with him is precious!


  2. Great post Miranda! I do find myself nagging sometimes. Now when I feel the urge to nag, I will remember your advice to smile and bring back some of the fun!

  3. Good Afternoon Miranda, You are right, it is so easy to get lost in the hurly burly of the days, that it is easy to forget yourself and your husband. It's important to remember why you married and what qualities attracted you in the first place. I have been married for 42 years and this has worked for me. Lovely post. Best Wishes Daphne


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